My Fear

I sit up all night waiting for his arrival.

He comes back home looking so tired and hungry.

I serve him his meal and he doesn't say anything but, "Thank you" after he is done eating.

He goes into his room, takes a shower and straight to bed. He sleeps dead and converses in his sleep.

It goes on and on for nights. It's a routine.

The days he doesn’t go to work, he tries to bring aggressive conversations which might end up making us fight with him getting sad. He only meant well but doesn’t say it well.

The other day he came back; this time he was early. His sister was home, he asked that she gave him some cash, she refused and he beat her up.

I never refuse him. I always let him have it all.

I am sitting now, with my heart palpitating and my breath seizing with my hand numb at the same time, shaky.

I am sitting with my eyes blurry- filled with tears and my knees are frozen.

For a moment, I could not hear anything. I did not hear my phone ring. "All that I feared has come" that's what my heart says.

All that his mother said is happening- he is on drugs. He belongs to a frat. He goes to work yet, he does not work. He’s is gone now.

Did you say arrested? No, he wasn't arrested. I just found out about all that he has been doing that's why I can't breathe.

No, he did not die. Why would he? I said "he is gone" because he is not who I thought he was.